On communication.

You know, I can’t help but be frustrated. How many times have you been told that an effective way of communication is “using ‘I’ statements”? You know, saying, “I feel. . .I think. . .I would like it if. . .”, etc.

Now. How many times has someone said, usually with a vengeance, “Listen to you – it’s always me, me, me.”

Don’t these two things seems conflicting?

I am frustrated today with communication. How girls (at least me) need to hash the shit out – talk and talk and talk until we’ve beat the horse to a bloody pulp. On the other hand, boys (at least mine), want to think about things for a while, or let things cool off before talking. This usually leads to the girl getting the silent treatment, and the boy receiving an assault of text messages freaking out about every little thing, claiming the relationship mustn’t be worth anything if he can’t even respond. Those messages can get brutal, and are only perpetuated by the boy’s silence.

Can we make a pact, right here and now, that if a guy wants silence for a few hours to clear his head, that fine, but at least tell the woman, “I need some time alone,” or something. And women, in turn, will respect that request with not one snide remark, last word, or stalker-like responses??

That would make my life a lot easier right now.

Pros and Cons of my holiday.

PRO: Somehow pulling Xmas out of my ass and getting everyone pretty much what they wanted.

CON: Being broke indefinitely.

CON: Being asked to sing at my family’s Xmas dinner.

PRO: Making my Grandmother cry by doing so.

PRO: Getting the Nicotine patch for Xmas.

CON: Truly having to say goodbye to smoking again.

PRO: Getting a new feather bed, goose-down comforter and fur blanket.

CON: Having to drag myself out of that every morning.

PRO: Having the boyfriend on vacation so he can hide under my covers all week.

CON: Having the child on vacation so she can interrupt any plans we had to destroy those covers.

CON: Accidentally dyeing my child’s hair green.

PRO: Having her like it anyway.

CON: Returning to 1023 new emails in my work in-box.

PRO: Knowing I only have THREE DAYS left at this job, thereby making the emails someone else’s problem.

In case you didn’t know.

The 12 days of Christmas are the 12 days that separate Christmas day on December 25 from Epiphany, which is celebrated January 6. Depending on the church, January 6 may mark Christ’s baptism (the Catholic tradition), or it may mark the day that the wise men visited the baby Jesus with their gifts.

In the past, there was a tradition of giving gifts throughout the 12 days, rather than stacking them all up on the morning of December 25. That tradition, as you might imagine, has never really caught on in America! We just aren’t that patient. The song, however, demonstrates that some people once stretched out their gifts (and gave some fairly elaborate gifts…) over the full 12 days.

Does a happy dance.

Course ID:  MATH 097      Title:     INTRODUCTORY ALGEBRA I
Grade:      A-

Course ID:  HD   120      Title:     TRiO LEARNING STRATGIES
Grade:      A  

Happy happy, joy joy.

*Sob*

Horrorscope:

Sometimes you choose incredibly backward strategies to get what you want. I swear, I wouldn’t exactly be surprised if you announced tomorrow that you were planning to lose weight by going on an “all butter diet.” Is it subconscious self-sabotage that compels you to do exactly the opposite of what would actually achieve your desired result? I suspect so, by the way you act bewildered when those sticks of butter translate into thunder thighs and a huge ass. Be coldly rational about your choices this week. What do you really want? Is your current strategy even remotely likely to be helpful? Probably not. Consider doing an about-face and heading in an entirely new direction. I suspect you’ll get a lot closer to your destination that way.

Noooo, I didn’t wanna do it that way.. .waaahhhh. I liked playing aloof like I didn’t give a shit, letting my jealousies flare up and dominate me, causing tension and unease! I didn’t want to admit that maybe I’m too jealous and afraid to be in an open relationship, and too full of double standards where I want to have my cake, but not let him have his! I was much more comfortable telling him to do whatever he wanted, and stuffing all my feelings of jealousy and inferiority to maintain equality and balance! I was happy pretending to be distant so he wouldn’t know how much I care, so I wouldn’t be perceived as clingy or in opposition to what I said I wanted out of this relationship!

But the stupid thing is right. It’s not working, and it’s as plain as day.

Fuck. Why can’t I just be the only woman on the planet? I could keep up, honest!

Stalky stalk stalk.

I always bitch about people e-stalking me, because I have the joys of a tracking system that tells me every single time you look at my page (surprised?  I’m betting at least three of you are), but to be honest. . .I’m just as bad.  Does anyone else do this, or is it just me?  Do you have a little list of people you shouldn’t give a shit about, but you check out their pages (Myspace, Livejournal, whatever) on a pretty regular basis?  Then there’s the people you really really don’t give a shit about, but are egotistical enough to think maybe they mentioned you in something, so you just have to look? (The best is when they do, because then you feel vindicated).

This really is leading to something.  It’s leading to the fact that I like to stalk my ex, and I don’t know if he’s stalking me, or worse, if HIS ex is stalking me, or worser than worse if his CURRENT girlfriend is stalking me.  SO.  My dilemma is that I don’t know if I can say whatever the hell I want in my own journal without a) implicating myself in my creepy inability to just let things go, or b) actually hurt the feelings of someone who may be reading this.  Though, in that case, I have to think they would forgive my creepiness and blame themselves for being unable to deny their own sick compulsion to peek.

That said, my mother never got around to the whole, “if you aint got something nice to say” phrase, and I want to do a little happy dance that I am no longer physically attracted to my ex.  I saw a pic during my most recent clandestine jaunt through cyberspace, and jumped for joy when I.felt.nothing.

Then.  I saw that she (who cares which one at this point), had posted this little video of a particular artist, and it made me wonder:  Does she know that that artist was our love maestro?  That the first time he told me he loved me was in the back of my car after we’d fucked in a church parking lot (I never was one for romance), as track 11 was just ending?  That the whole CD was full of love songs we devoted to each other?   It just seemed sad.

These are the ridiculous thoughts that fill my head in my down time.  Or during period week as it may be.  Thank god for Sparkling Cider Wednesdays.