X-posted: Thoughts on moving.

Things are getting hectic, with the move in two days.  I keep finding myself not wanting to pack certain things, because I’ll need them.  Need them when??  It’s not sinking in yet that I won’t be sleeping here in two nights, and that everything I own will be surrounded by new walls.  I’ve been here five years, and I leave with a heavy heart, though so excited for the next step I can hardly wait.

I have my comforts here, my soft living room with the candles and perfect lighting.  My back porch where I sneak cigarettes.  My beautiful purple bathroom.  It’s so silly, because these are all things I can bring with me and make even more beautiful in the new place.  I know when I leave, I will be so relieved to be out of this house, as I am every time I move out of here.  Part of me is afraid that the city will be too loud for me.  Isn’t that silly?  I will miss my cats.

But today. . .hmm, today I went and bought things for our new bathroom, which fulfills me in ways I always forget about until it comes time to buy that stuff again.  I’m domesticated in minor ways, where I find great pleasure in an unopened bar of soap or heart-shaped baking pans.  I’m also a hippie in many ways, loving the smell of incense and beads hanging in the doorways.  There’s this strong adult in me as well, the Pottery Barn loving classy girl who needs an entryway table.  Yet, it takes all of my will power to not put posters up of my favorite bands and have beer bottle salt and pepper shakers.

How on earth will I combine all these personalities, meanwhile blending with the solid nature of Luke?  It’s partially those moments, when we choose to go with blue or brown for the bathroom, that I look forward to.  Facing those challenges (and much more important ones) is part of the excitement of moving in together.  And having someone to remove all spiders is pretty great too.

Meaningless things carry much weight with me.  I’m equally terrified and thrilled at the prospect of having a change jar for laundry.   You mean, I have to pay for clean clothes?

I’m really just a little girl still, kind of afraid of being an adult.