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Sex all around us

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Last night Luke and I went to a play at the Rendezvous, and while we were waiting in the bar for the show to start, there was a pretty woman standing alone at the bar flipping through a magazine. Luke and I were sitting a few feet away, obviously staring at her (unbeknownst to her we were discussing what sexual positions we imagine her in upon first glance), and I was surprised to see that she was completely unaware we were looking at her.

This got me thinking. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m open (and therefore always available regardless of my relationship status, at least to women), or if I have always been this way, but the first thing I do when I walk into a bar is take a mental note of how many attractive people are there. Not that I’m constantly on the prowl, rather, it seems to be an instinct of mine to at least take note of my options (whether I’m going to pursue them or not). It seemed completely unnatural to me that this girl had a total lack of awareness that an attractive couple was sitting a few feet away ogling her.

Am I oversexualized? Do other people think these things when they walk into a bar, or really, any public place? Do you size up every attractive person you meet, wondering what it would be like to sleep with them?

I was once told that if you are a woman of any sort of attractiveness, that your (insert male role here – teacher, boss, doctor) has already fantasized about you. This leads me to wonder – is it a guy thing?

I’m the same way with women. The only twist to this is now that I am open, every woman is a potential for my partner or boyfriend as well. Not only am I sizing up women for myself, but I’m also imagining what she would look like with her legs wrapped around my man’s waist. This is not in jealousy, it is a simple, instinctual observation.

I know Luke thinks this way too, because most of our nights in public are spent sending silent signals to each other – the slightest raise of an eyebrow, the downward turn of the mouth, the miniscule nod of the head – all of these minute motions are questions, asked and answered, barely perceptible even to us. But I know they’re there, and perhaps it’s just that we’re huge sluts, or maybe everyone is like this but since we’re open we are free to express these things where other couples are not.

The woman last night, looking absent-mindedly through her magazine, was not posturing at all. She was truly un-self-conscious, or at least portrayed it very well. Perhaps she was thinking of the bills she had to pay, or where she was going to get her nails done tomorrow. I don’t know. But it was clear nothing sexual was on her mind, and it gave me this sudden feeling of lechery, guiltily wondering, “Am I normal??”

13 Comments »

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But I bet when SHE walked into the room she surveyed for the good looking people. Maybe she didn’t find what she wanted, and went about her business. I know *I* definitely do crowd scans when I walk into a place

Comment by Birdie — October 22, 2009 #

Reply
- You know, I thought of that. I thought, “how egotistical of me to think that because she didn’t look at us she couldn’t have been scanning. . .”
  
  I caught myself in that thought, and honestly, I think so many girls look at Luke, it’s something I take for granted that she would find him attractive.
  
  Comment by blackdove — October 22, 2009 #
  
  Reply
Yup. normal as can be with a very big appetite. society, religion, and our parents tell us we have to be singular in our relations with the opposite sex. and that one day we will find that person and live happily ever after….FUCK THAT.

Comment by Forest — October 22, 2009 #

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- I say, it’s hard to live happily ever after if you’re not pursuing the things that make you happy!
  xoxo
  
  Comment by blackdove — October 22, 2009 #
  
  Reply
I wrote a massive reply to this but didn’t put my email in, so bye bye shit, this is the short version.
I would say that she wasn’t un self-aware. I would go to say that she might have grew up in a different area. Two people staring at someone is fine and socially accepted in Europe. Do that in L.A. and some words will be exchanged. Do that in NY or Detroit and you’ll get in a fist fight. And that’s the difference with people in Seattle; they forget that some people are not from here. Look at your friends that lived else where and the one’s that never left here; two different views. While I think you and Luke always have sex on your mind “Prowling” not everyone does this. Some might just want to sit and have a beer, some to socialize, some to prowl. I walk into places and look for doors, windows, and a advantageous view of the place. And while your scanning the place for hot people, I’m looking at the douche at the bar slipping something into some chicks’ drink.

Comment by Myke — October 23, 2009 #

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Darling,

Yes, I would agree with that. I guess my point is, when I go to the bar it IS to socialize and have a drink (ahem, ginger ale) – but I instincitvely look at men and women, as you instinctively look for doors and windows.

So what is it in me that makes “prowling” my first instinct?

I guess it’s a matter not only of where you’re from, but how you grew up. You are military – hence, the advantage points and escape routes. I was sexually promiscuous growing up, so maybe that’s the key.

Comment by blackdove — October 23, 2009 #

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No, checking out who is hot not when I enter a room or public place is not something I “instinctually” do. Attractive people stand out enough without me having to search the room for one.

I actually think gawking at someone is rude. I could tell when a couple of women are watching me. I don’t always find those women appealing. I say “don’t always” because there will always be an instance when the attraction is mutual.

Comment by Julian — October 23, 2009 #

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- Yes, you are right, and it wasn’t done in a lecherous way. We really were just sitting there conversing, but I felt my gaze was on her long enough for *some* recognition to be had.
  
  Comment by blackdove — October 23, 2009 #
  
  Reply
  - I don’t agree with polyamory, but apparently some people do:
    
    http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/10/28/monogamy.realistic.today/index.html
    
    Comment by Julian — October 28, 2009 #
I am constantly unaware of anyone looking at me or thinking they have secret thoughts/advances about me. Not to be full of myself and think that others are fantasizing about me when they look at me.

Just sayin.

B always thinks people want in my pants and I don’t see it. Though I always notice people checking B out.

Comment by elizebeth — October 23, 2009 #

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Funny how we’re lost in our insecurities sometimes. . .I know there is a balance between insecure and ego, and I know I fight that a lot. I’m equally both at any given time.

It’s also funny how we view our partners, almost with another version of insecurity? Thinking everyone wants them, but not us? What is that?

I look at us sometimes as a package. Even that comes with insecurites. . .ah shit, I feel another blog coming on. Perfect :)

Comment by blackdove — October 23, 2009 #

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I’ve found that the vast majority of people are oblivious. Even when you’re staring at them *trying* to get noticed, they just keep their eyes on their laptops.

Hmm…I might need to stop using coffee shop patrons as the basis for life’s observations. They aren’t really generous with the raw data on the human condition.

Comment by Poop and Pee — October 26, 2009 #

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- hello poop and pee! My friend :)
  
  I guess the truth might be, if they are really attracted to you (me, us), they wouldn’t just stare at their laptops. They’d smile or *something*. I guess I might have to just chalk it up to her not being interested in US that particular night :)
  
  THanks for reading, and finally commenting!
  
  Comment by blackdove — October 26, 2009 #
  
  Reply